Forty days it had taken to get here, each day trekking through the desert, empty, wild. Seeking what shade he could find from rocks or scrubby bushes at noon when the heat became too much. Making fire, if he could, at night to protect him from the cold and the wild animals while he slept. Waking before dawn to set out again. Forty days and forty nights to reach Mount Sinai, as many days as the Israelites had been years in the wilderness before they reached the promised land. This was the place that God had spoken to Moses from the burning bush; the place where God had given the Israelites the Ten Commandments, where God had appeared to them in fire and cloud. He needed to speak to God, and if he could find God anywhere it would be here.
And now he was here, and it was evening again.
On the slopes of the mountain he found a cave. Cautiously checking no wild animals were using it as a den, he gathered firewood from the bushes and built yet another fire, and then lay down to sleep.
He slept poorly, tormented by fears and poisonous thoughts. Why had he come here? What had he expected? A rocky mountain in the desert, that’s all it was. Yes, long ago this was where God had appeared to Moses, had given him the Commandments, had made a Covenant with the Israelites. But why should that mean God would speak to him here, now? Israel had rebelled again and again, and Elijah felt that he was no better than them. His journey was all for nothing. He might as well die here, where he could do no one any harm. Dawn came, filling the sky with the promise of a new day, but he stayed huddled in the cave, tired and hopeless.
And then God spoke to him, as he had done before when he called him to prophesy. “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
The hurt, the fear, the sense of failure came pouring out. “I have done everything I could, Lord, but the people have rejected their agreement with you, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
A moment of silence, and then God said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Elijah stumbled to the mouth of the cave, shaking with fear and on the verge of tears. Of course God already knew why he was here. Asking him to say it had been for Elijah’s benefit, not God’s- helping Elijah to understand and name what was wrong, what he was afraid of. And he was so afraid. Not just for his life, but for his people, his people that he had failed because he could not make them listen.
But before he could leave the cave the wind whipped up into a sudden storm, whirling dust into the air, pressing Elijah back against the rock wall, swirling round with a noise that filled his ears and overwhelmed his senses. He saw rocks picked up in a spinning vortex of air and dropped, shattering into fragments. Terror filled Elijah, and yet, somehow, he knew that this was not the presence of God that he had been told to expect.
As quickly as it had risen, the wind died away. Elijah was about to step out of the cave when the ground beneath him shook. He fell to his knees, covering his face with his arms as the whole mountain trembled and rocks slid past the cave entrance, carrying away anything in their path. Elijah was no less terrified, but again, he knew this was not the presence of God that he had been told to expect.
The ground ceased to shake, and the rocks slid to a halt. Elijah stood up once more, but stopped, hearing a dry roar that he knew all too well. He risked a quick look out of the cave.
Wildfire raged across the mountain side, devouring bushes and scrub in seconds, seeming even to scorch the very stones of the mountain. It was approaching nearer and nearer to Elijah’s cave. He ran to the very back of the cave and crouched down, covering his face once again. He had come here, almost expecting death, but not like this. Was God trying to kill him? And yet again, he knew this was not the presence of God that he had been told to expect.
The fire swept past Elijah’s cave, and he was unharmed. After a while he dared to stand up and look towards the entrance. What now? Did he dare to go outside?
A gentle whisper.
That was all, and yet Elijah knew this was the real thing. Trembling, he pulled his cloak over his face and stepped out of the cave.
A voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
This time Elijah could barely whisper. “I have done everything I could, Lord, but the people have rejected their agreement with you, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
He knew that God would understand, would hear in those words all that he felt, everything he had thought during the 40 days of his journey. He waited, expectant, for God’s answer.
But it wasn’t the answer he was expecting.
“Go back the way you came,” God said. There was more- he was to anoint new kings for Syria and for Israel- presumably Ahab would not be around for much longer, then. And he was to anoint someone called Elisha as a prophet and successor for himself, so maybe the same was true for him. Between them, the two kings and Elisha would deal with those who had been unfaithful to God. God would, though, keep safe those who had remained faithful to him.
And that was that. Elijah didn’t know what he had expected, but not that. Perhaps he had expected that God would say, ‘Never mind, you tried your best. You can stop being a prophet now, and go back to your old life.” Perhaps he had thought that God would strike Jezebel down at once, and somehow force Israel to turn back to God. Perhaps he had thought- hoped- that God would kill him, and end his suffering.
None of that had happened. Nothing had changed. Jezebel still wanted him dead. He hadn’t got any of the answers he had wanted, not even a promise of divine protection. But at the same time, he felt a little reassured. God had heard him, and had not condemned him for how he felt or punished him for his failure. And God had given him a task, a duty to do. Even though he felt a hopeless failure, God still wanted to use him to help bring about change.
He turned away from the cave, back towards the desert and the long journey back to Israel. The mountainside, blackened and torn apart by fire and earthquake and storm, would recover. Seeds would sprout, birds and animals would return. Even in the desert, there was hope.
Based on https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Kings%2019&version=NIV
